So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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