too bad you live with your parents still
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
