When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
