Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I had to cum in my sink.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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