he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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