do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
