So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
