Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
