I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
