I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
