He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sorry my hands just texted you
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
