And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
