Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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