Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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