Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
