He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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