I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
