New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
