You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
nutella sex= disaster
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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