Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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