it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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