I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
