What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
