I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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