I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
