I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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