I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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