I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
