it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
