Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
