she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
