im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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