Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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