Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
