Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
