i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
