Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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