Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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