I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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