I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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