her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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