just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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