Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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