if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
