he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
