Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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