i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
