he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
operation harelip BJ is a go
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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