what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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