I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
