I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize