I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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