I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
