So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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