I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
