i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
