remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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