he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
