i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
