Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
