PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Houston, we have a blender
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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