He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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