Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
