Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
