You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
