My first STD was from a foam party
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
