Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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