i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The feeling are messing with the penis
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Randomize
