I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
