I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
