yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize