I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
