just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize